Roasted Asparagus

Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Line baking pan or cookie sheet with foil (for easy cleanup). Wash asparagus and snap off woody ends. Toss asparagus with up to 2 tbsp. of olive oil and seasoning(s) of your choice.  Suggested seasonings (apply sparingly):

• Sea salt & pepper
• Lemon pepper
• Seasoned salts

Spread asparagus out into a single layer on foil-lined sheet or pan. Roast in oven for 10 minutes, tossing/turning halfway through.

Bonus: Zucchini squash can also be roasted exactly like this. I plan to combine the two sometime soon. Potatoes too, but they require an extra 15 minutes of roasting time.

Serving Suggestion: With your favorite rice.

Pumpkin Muffins

Makes ~36 muffins.  Healthy and delicious.

Ingredients:

• 4.75 cups whole wheat flour
• 2 cups white sugar
• 2 cups brown sugar
• 1 .5 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 .5 teaspoons baking soda
• 1.5 teaspoons salt
• 1.5 teaspoons nutmeg
• 1.5 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1.5 teaspoons ground cloves
• 6 eggs
• 2 – 15 oz. canned pumpkin
• 1 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 1 cup chopped walnuts

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease muffin pans.  In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, nutmeg, cinnamon, and dried cloves. In another bowl, mix eggs, applesauce, and pumpkin until smooth. Add this mixture to the large bowl of dry ingredients and stir thoroughly until smooth. Stir in walnuts. Spoon mixture into muffin pans and bake 30-35 mins.

Optional: Top with cream cheese icing, powdered sugar icing/glaze, or just sprinkle powdered sugar over cool muffins.

(Adapted from Addictive Pumpkin Muffins.)

Day of Insane E-Mails

Yesterday at work, some truly insane e-mails were circulating. First, the following was submitted to our IT technical support listserv:

Subject: Totally OT – Anyone know Elven Languages? Telerin, Quenya or others

If someone does, could you please contact me? I need help with a word / name.

Thanks,
(name kindly removed) 

Now why in the world would a person write to the IT technical support listserv with such a question?  Gee, I wonder. There were no less than 6 responses, providing links to translators (apparently such things do exist), discussing the effectiveness of said translators, and making witty nerd puns. 

Next, I initially thought this was junk mail, but I guess they’re serious:

To: Virginia State Employees
From: Virginia Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services
Date: March 3, 2009
Subject: Peanut Butter Donation Sites

The state’s food banks are experiencing a severe drop in peanut butter donations. Peanut butter is a staple of food banks because it is a protein-rich powerhouse and is easy to store and serve. National brands and major store brands of peanut butter have not been implicated in the peanut product recalls and they are safe to eat.

The Virginia Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services (VDACS) is coordinating a statewide peanut butter drive to restock the food banks’ shelves and to bolster consumption of peanuts in all forms. Peanuts are an important crop in Virginia and the loss of sales is hitting farmers and specialty food producers very hard.

State employees are encouraged to bring jars of peanut butter to one of these four sites or to take donations directly to a food bank in their area. 

Peanut butter collection sites:

Richmond area: Oliver W. Hill Building, 102 Governor St., Richmond; Contact Jack Fox, (804) 371-7794.
Tidewater: 1100-120 Armory Drive, Franklin; Contact Gail Moody Milteer, (757) 569-1100.
Central Virginia: Virginia Department of Forestry, 900 Natural Resources Drive, Charlottesville; Contact Dave Robishaw, (434) 984-0573.
Southwest Virginia: VDACS Laboratory and Office, 250 Cassell Road, Wytheville; Contact Danny Neel, (276) 228-5501.
Shenandoah Valley VDACS Laboratory and Office, 261 Mount Clinton Pike, Harrisonburg; Contact E.L. Knicely, (540) 209-9140.

The drive lasts throughout the month of March.

I went ahead and left all the pertinent information in there in case you read this and feel moved to donate. I don’t particularly—no disrespect to peanut farmers and hungry people. Rather than taking a solely factual approach, I really feel like they should have concentrated on appealing to the reader’s emotions. Because if you’re going to sound ridiculous, go all the way.

“My trampy little sister says MySpace is the new booty call”

I don’t go to the movies often, but I recently saw two different movies at the theater—He’s Just Not That Into You and Confessions of a Shopaholic. Reviews follow:

He’s Just Not That Into You (HJNTIY)
Perhaps the most remarkable part of seeing this movie was that I went with my good friend who’s a dude and actually really wanted to see it. The ending was sappy and predictable (which was just fine with me), and the rest of the movie was very entertaining and REALLY funny at times. Before seeing it, I’d heard it described as “the American version of Love Actually“. This description makes sense because the plot centered around several tangentially- related characters’ love lives, but the style of humor was completely different.  (Love Actually is still my personal favorite, but I want to see HJNTIY again.)  The title of this post is a quote from the movie.

Confessions of a Shopaholic
I’ll start by saying I recently read the book in preparation for watching this with friends, and it was like pulling teeth to finish reading. The main character infuriated me with her insane shopping habits, though I do realize that was the whole point. The movie took ideas from the book and used them to basically rearrange the entire plot, and I liked it much better. Maybe because of these changes, or because there was an actual person playing the role, it was a lot easier to be sympathetic to the main character and enjoy the story. I LOVED seeing all the clothes/shoes/accessories, and my favorite outfit was her bright pink bridesmaid dress with rainbow-colored tulle. I know it was supposed to be heinous, but some things are just so ugly they’re adorable. Hairless cats, anyone?

“Fried pies ain’t any good if they’re cold,”

…snarled the older woman who jumped in front of me in line at Hardee’s this morning while I was ordering breakfast. A lady working there took pity on her and took the pies back to be microwaved, returning them with a warning that the filling would now be REALLY hot (fast food lawsuit, anyone?). Apparently I am my mother’s daughter, because all I could think the whole time was, “Who eats fried pies for breakfast!?” 

Not me. I am in a committed relationship with the cinnamon & raisin biscuit, basically the most “healthy” item on the menu. Two of these biscuits are fully worth the hefty caloric investment, as they keep me full and energized for a good 5+ working hours. And did I mention they are delicious? 

On my walk over to Hardees, I pondered the good and bad things about today, and made lists for each:

• Good: Cinnamon raisin biscuits for breakfast, I dressed warm enough AND dried my hair, the new shampoo & conditioner I started using this morning made my hair extra good, Zumba class is tonight, and I found a fantastic swimsuit to order (as I currently do not have one and have been searching).
• Bad: It’s Monday, the temperature has once again plummeted below the don’t-want-to-leave-home threshold, and the swimsuit is $85.

Best Day Evar…

I’m not sure that’s strictly true, but it was one of those days where everything seems to go right. Friday the 13th, go figure. I had lunch with an old friend who I hadn’t talked to in about forever, and it was SUCH a blast. I thought I remembered just how much fun she is…but had, in fact, severely underestimated her awesomeness. She is truly a sparkling conversationalist (How often do I get to use that description!? Like, almost never.) and we related on so many points. We will be hanging out again soon. Oh yes, we will.

There was a surreal moment during the doldrums that roll in at about 3:00 in the afternoon on weekdays. I was sitting at my desk and had an overwhelming craving for chocolate, which is unusual for me. (I usually long for fruity-type candies, Skittles in particular. I love to taste the rainbow.) Not 5 minutes later, a coworker walks into my cube and hands me two pieces of Dove milk chocolate! I love when fate smiles on me, and gives me candy.

Friday happy hour was a HUGE hit. The organizer only expected 6 or so people, but folks just kept showing up. I have no idea how many, but it reminded me of a clown car, except in reverse and with restaurant tables. Most were not people I knew, but that is irrelevant.

The evening reached a new high when Mevin* showed up. They eventually convinced me to go bowling (read: watch people bowl). We arrived and I explored the bowling alley (It has an actual locker room, attracts lots of families with little kids, and carries a surprisingly wide variety of alcoholic beverages—not just your typical pitcher of crappy beer), met some more new people, and made it home in time to go to sleep at a very reasonable hour! Score!

*Mevin is plural for two individuals who are in a relationship, a la Bennifer or Brangelina.

“Out For V-Day”

That is the subject line of an e-mail from one of my coworkers, letting us know that he’s out of the office today. He and his wife just had their fourth child this past December, and my first thought was, “Oh, how nice! He’s taking the day off to do something special for his wife for Valentine’s Day!” Then I read the text of the message:

“Going under the knife today…”  

Turns out my initial reaction wasn’t exactly wrong, but V-day meant something COMPLETELY different than what I’d originally assumed. Now I’m left to wonder…was Friday the 13th really the best choice of dates for this? We’re all pulling for you, buddy.

An Old Classic

Just a quick grammar fail for today, an oldie-but-goodie. I took this photo in Christiansburg, VA a few years ago. The best part is that there were MULTIPLE signs along the route I was taking, all with the same error:

When Two Rights Make a Wrong

Ice cream sundae with bananas and hot fudge = good idea!

Hour-long Zumba class = GREAT idea!

Ice cream sundae + Zumba class = 18 hours later, my stomach still feels like dying ninjas

I think we all agreed last night that combining the two is just a bad idea. Never again.

New Category: Grammar Fail

I realize that there are entire blogs (many of them) devoted to this, so there’s no point in starting another. As an editor, however, I can’t resist pointing out other peoples’ grammatical shortcomings from time to time, hence the inception of my new “Grammar Fail” category. These shortcomings will include errors of spelling, punctuation, word usage, and other various typographical horrors; I won’t limit myself to one particular “genre”.

(For the record, I know that punctuation technically belongs inside, not outside, of quotations. I simply choose not to subscribe to that particular convention unless I’m actually typing a conversation. That is my own personal rule of grammar.)

Anyway, the inaugural fail is a piece of artwork from the Taubman. It demonstrates the age-old battle of your  vs. you’re and also features two instances of unnecessary and inappropriate punctuation. 

Your! welcome

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In other news, I learned today that Strunk & White comes in an illustrated version. Just sayin’.